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20 Dec 2015
Again people have been on my case(in the nicest possible way), people like my counsellor Cathy in the middle here trying to get me to start this again. Perhaps my protestations haven’t been loud enough? Apparently this is something I actually can do, so with my pisspoor ‘get on with it’ attitude here I am again. I wish I had more encouraging words for people with disabilities, all I can say is that most survivors I have met have not been as f*cked up by this, so that’s a good thing. I know I have been lucky to have a place to live thanks to my folks letting me live in this house and an income independent of them courtesy of my former employer giving me a disability pension. My friend and housemate Frenchy has also been the lynchpin that allows me to survive. I couldn’t afford a carer, so we appear to have created a system that works – he looks after the house, but has his own time and does my evening meal and family friend Gary does my morning routine (which Frenchy and I split the cost of, it doubles as value rent for Frenchy – I hope it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement), Frenchy interviews and trains a stream of overseas volunteers (workaways) who live in the house and help us on a short term basis – they get a decent home from home and some laughs, we hope. They are a breath of fresh air and stop us killing each other which I’m told is a housemate thing that happens the world over. This has given us an extended lease of life because, I can’t lie – since my stroke, I can’t think of a good reason people would want to be friends with me – I was always the fun friend before this, I can’t ever be again. This says something about my friends and family – they are the heroes in all this. My subsistence existence continues to be about doing physical training (physiotherapy) four times a week
I know I’ve said this all before but reading my blog to stop myself repeating myself isn’t going to happen. My eyesight and concentration span don’t get better.
I know I’m lucky to be able to do this much, I’ve heard it enough bloody times. I do what I can reasonably to survive and if I have any helpful words to anyone disabled it is not to alienate your friends and family, bend over backwards for them – these are the only people who will help you. Be prepared to spend all the little money you have and what little energy you have and more entertaining them when they visit, or taking them out to events and lunches. Sure, it is sometimes ok for them to be a shoulder to cry on, but they’ll get fed up pretty quickly, I’ve seen it happen. People don’t like depressed people even if mental health is a big deal these days, people get tired. They can say ‘I understand’ or ‘I can’t imagine’ till they’re blue in the face. Rather than go on, I wrote most of what I was about to write 5.5-ish years ago in this here post probably http://survivingastroke.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/post-225-story-so-far-ish.html. Read it and w... (er, be indifferent).
If they could do my type of stroke to hardened criminals doing life, it’d save the country a fortune! Because this feels like being given a life sentence, and for no crime.
I wouldn’t recommend writing a blog to a lot of people. Maybe to people who can deal with being ignored and criticised? Otherwise, just manage facebook. Even then – be careful. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can break hearts.
It would be remiss of me not to mention my drinks,